I say love, it is a flower...
And you it's only seed.

I heard the song The Rose recently. It holds special meaning to some of us. =) Cedar days were one of the best days of my life. Anyway, guess what, folks? I passed my driving! This time around, I was a little psyched because I felt I was ready - compared to my first attempt - I was alot more confident. My weak point was my test road driving, especially when it came to changing lanes [what with the traffic at that hour!], but hey, I did it! But I was really scared too..because I couldn't bear to break it to my mom specifically, if I were to fail. Actually had nightmares about it last night you know!

I had the same tester as my first time. How unlucky! I really dislike him! Everytime I go for driving lessons, if I bump into him, I'd look away and pray that I never got him again. When he entered the waiting room and said my name, I wasn't even looking at him. He had to say it twice before I got up. Grrrr. And while driving..he made so many comments! So many times I wanted to justify myself but I had to really bite my lip to keep my mouth shut. Double grrrr.

LUCKILY, he let me pass. If not I think I'd really curse him like crazy. And all the ticks he gave me were for silly little stuff! I bet he just wanted to find fault with me. Oooh. This time around, I was worried about circuit because I hadn't been practising much of it. But it went okay. =D Didn't accumulate any points there. And throughout the test road, I was like, "Just a little more, please, God, don't let me do anything stupid." Hahaha.

My instructor shook my hand after my test. Yay! When I was complaining about the tester, he kidded about bringing me back to the tester to fail me since I was complaining so much. Even on my way out of the circuit, I was actually afraid that I would bump into that tester and he would change his mind and decide to fail me!

Soo cannot wait for my license. =D I guess November's ending well for me. =)

2 am and she calls me
Cause I'm still awake,
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake -
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season.

Is there no end to procrastinating? I just spent the past 24 hours finishing up another Cathy Kelly which Noreen borrowed recently. Yay, I love her novels. Even though the plot is cliched [it's about how initially everything goes wrong for each character and how in the end, everything works out well for them and they're happy and content with their lives], I just love it because it reminds me that there IS a happy ever after.

La-di-da. Going to the beach tonight, yay!

If I get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me, threatening the life they belong to.

Life is strange when you're a fan.

It's the morning of my second paper. I'm not really prepared but I'll take a quick breather to update.

I hate this. I hate being here. I hate that you have to be here. I hate that there's evil. And that I was chosen to fight it. I wish a whole lot of the time that I hadn't been. I know a lot of you wish I hadn't been either. But this isn't about wishes. This is about choices. I believe we can beat this evil. Not when it comes, not when its army's ready, now. Tomorrow morning, I'm opening the seal. I'm going down into the Hellmouth and I am finishing this once and for all. Right now you're asking yourselves what makes this different. What makes us any more than a bunch of girls getting picked off one by one. That's true. None of you have the power that Faith and I do. So here's the part where you make a choice.

What if you could have that power... now? In every generation, one slayer is born... because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men.

This woman is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power... should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the scythe to change our destiny.

From now on, every girl in the world who might be a slayer... will be a slayer. Every girl who could have the power... will have the power... can stand up, will stand up. Slayers... every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?

Theres' oceans in between us but that's not very far.

Well, well. Been a while, hasn't it?

Let's see. Econs paper is down. Four more modules to go and this time tomorrow? It'll be just three left. Yay. =) I can't say I'm proud of my efforts for Econs because I didn't study much for it. I started on Wednesday, moved on into Thursday but stopped then because I was too worried for the paper so I kind of 'switched off'. Very bad, I know.

I signed up for the bellydance workshops - the one organized by Nurul Huda. What the heck - I'll just give it a go, and support a friend at the same time. I've always wanted to pick up the sport but my parents were really against it - they insisted it was too..suggestive. Or something along those lines, heh heh.

All that aside? My mind is clear. I'm really happy.

Well, I was. Now I'm not as happy as before but I guess I'm still riding on the feeling of high from earlier today.

Basking in your after-glow..

Falling back to me, the star that I can see -

Maybe it's a lot like your world. Maybe it's nothing like it. But, if you look closely you might see someone like you. Someone trying to find their way; someone trying to find their place; someone trying to find their self. Sometimes it's easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you.

Ain't nothing but a heartache -

It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, my heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your head. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you.

I am a dreamer but when I wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,remember us and all we used to be. I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've watched you sleeping for a while. I'd be the father of your child. I'd spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine, and I love you, I swear that's true. I cannot live without you.

And I still hold your hand in mine. In mine when I'm asleep. And I will bear my soul in time, when I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Happy 19th, me.

So go ahead and get gone -

Cause the truth of the matter is
I won't lose a wink of sleep
Baby, I won't shed a tear for you
How about I'll be nothing
Nothing at all to you
So since I'm not your everything.

Finally. Peace of mind. It's better this way, really. =) Now I can remove the external factor and concentrate on my life and the people important to me.

Things to do before I turn 21:

- pierce my navel [I want to do this on my 19th birthday!]
- skinny dip in the sea [and not a private pool]
- buy myself a diamond-something

...to be added on.

In Best of Friends by Cathy Kelley, one of the characters, Lizzie is in her late-forties but she decided, after her marriage broke down, to start living her life for her and not for her daughter or ex-husband. She had been living her life for far too long playing the role of a dutiful wife, mother and friend that now she decided to just..step back from it all and live her life all over again, doing things that she wants without letting anyone hold her back.

What spurred on my to-do list? Shafiq asked me what the craziest/wildest thing that I had ever done was and I was at a loss for words. But I decided not to just want to do crazy/wild things but also do things that..well, that I want to do. Just for the heck of it.

=)

On a sidenote, I never knew the phrase "I think therefore I am" had such a long history behind it.

Cause you and I both loved

We said that we were going to study hard,
we held our books instead of hands,
she held a blanket over cans of beer,
I can't deny I was so full of fear.

It's just another story caught up in another photograph I found.
and it seems like another person lived that life a great many years ago from now,

When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time.
when I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time.

I forgot to mention what I had for dinner. I had lemon chicken, crispy baby squid with pineapple and hotplate egg tofu with mushrooms. =)

I also had a fun time reading out my German dialogue to everyone and seeing how confused they are, haha.

Anyway yay, I feel happy. I'm about to open up CLEO [yesh I know, it's almost time for a new AND I've weaned myself off the magazine-addiction phase for a few months already but I reallyy just wanted to indulge myself in girly delights for a moment.

It's never really easy but it's okay.

I'm just a girl, not yet a woman. I'm a little messed up but you can bet that I'll be awesome. =) So! don't! worry! about! me!

See, you and me have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
And so can pull on through whatever tears at us, whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done,
We'll make the best of what's around


--------------------------

And it's okay if you have go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang.

I must admit it's getting pretty tiresome having to type a password every time I want to view my blog. But I very much need some personal space to air my thoughts for now.

WELL. German oral. I guess it wasn't that good.. I would do some things differently - specifically speak much much more slowly and be alot calmer.

Am not too happy with my Philosophy paper grade either. Hmmm.

It's only beginning, isn't it?

But I'm not allowed to be gloomy in November. =)

A little respect..

I tried to discover a little something to make me sweeter,
Oh baby refrain from breaking my heart.

I just had a shower and I smell like Vanilla + Caramel. After this, I'm going to apply Cocoa Butter cream so..I'll smell like Cocoa Butter!

I'll probably taste weird and all chemical-y but I don't care, I smell good! Anyhoo..I'm okay I think. This week has been a pretty bad week especially since tomorrow I have a PS test [which I have not studied for] and on Friday, I have a PS presentation and a German dialog test. It doesn't end there, though. The following Monday, I have two papers to submit and I have to prepare the German shopkeeping list and on Wednesday, I have a German test.

Is it any wonder I haven't been very okay?

I just can't wait for Friday to end, albeit the workload I still have. I guess I deserve it - been procrastinating too much..enjoying too much of supposed 'free time'. Insyallah, I'll do okay.

I'm a little messed up but I just know I'll be okay soon. And I'm going to be 19 soon! And after I turn 19, so will Baby Adi-wadi-lah. It's November. My favourite month. =) Really. You're not allowed to be gloomy in November. Everything about the month is awesome.

I don't know what I'd do without you. You, you and you. =)

I love Sophia Bush. I think she's gorgeous because she has that twinkle in her eyes.